I travel between five courthouses for my day job. I'm on pretty good terms with most everyone I interact with there, and a few of them have known me since I was a small child. I have a lot of respect for these people, and I flatter myself that they value me for who I am as a person. About a year ago I was wearing bright blue extensions in my hair.One of these ladies that has known me my whole life assumed they were real. After a brief exchange, she asked me "Why would you want to do that to yourself?" Her tone said much more than just her words tell here. It spoke of prejudice, judgement, and even a hint of revulsion.
Last weekend my husband and I were at the bar. There we ran into some friends and their respective lady-friends. One of these ladies had a really unique piercing and was explaining how they did it. The friend that was not with her made a really big deal about it, asking repeated variations on the "but why would you want to do that to yourself" theme.
Yesterday a co-worker upset another co-worker over her jewelry. Co-worker #1 is very religious. Co-worker #2 considers herself the same, but just happens to adore girly skull things. Yesterday she wore a beautiful necklace and earring set with rhinestone skulls and roses. Co-worker #1 acted offended and kept on and on about "why would you want to wear things like that?"
Let me share with you what I told that lady a year ago. "Because I think it's cool, and I figure anyone who judges me based on my appearance and not on who I am as a person isn't worth worrying about." It is a phrase that is beautiful and perfect in its pointed indirectness. I'm not accusing you of such things, but maybe you should really think about that thing you just said, m'kay? I love it, and it was EXTREMELY effective.
So, if you've made it this far, this is my friendly little public service announcement. When it comes to other people, all you need to be concerned with in this life is what is on the inside. Not about their hair or clothes or sexual orientation or religious convictions. The color of my hair does not hurt anyone, least of all me. So what does it matter if I "do that to myself?" Same for piercings, tattoos, and even sex. It's my body, it's my soul, it's my choice, not yours. If it isn't hurting me, if it isn't involving you, why should you be concerned?
NO ONE owes you an explanation about their lifestyle choices. NO ONE.
